So, this morning I woke up early, ate a healthy breakfast, put on my brand new not-denim skinny pants and favorite blouse and headed out to my first non-food service job interview. I really have no idea how it went.
I liked the look of the company, and the owner and his partner seemed like great, fun people. I would really like to work there, especially since the position would involve me improving a lot of skills I really value, like photography and advertising. The interview went well! They seemed impressed by my analysis skills, how articulate I was, how vibrant I seemed. But the owner also told me I would benefit from going on a lot of job interviews. They also critiqued my resume (which was so greatly appreciated!), but, what does any of that mean?
The unorthodox, casual atmosphere was great, but I'm left having no idea where I stand. So now I have to grapple with some pretty uncomfortable questions. Did I completely screw things up, and were they just being kind and constructive? Do I even have a shot at this job?
Adult life can be really uncertain. Sometimes, when I'm alone and doing the nothing I usually do when I'm alone, I find myself suddenly overwhelmed by the vast empty space that's going to be - that is- post-college life. Sure, I have vague plans to go to graduate school in the next few years, but I don't want to go if I'm not sure what I want to do, and sometimes it seems like I'll never be sure of what I want to do. I don't live on a semester plan anymore. There's no more racing to the finish line of each four month block of growth and learning and then having a month or three months to recoup.
I know the logical thing to do is to become self-motivated, but I'm always so hesitant. It's like driving to a place you've never been to before and you think it's in this direction, but you don't want to keep driving in that direction, because what if it's not there, and it's all the way back on some other road, some turn you missed on the way? What if I spend all this time doing one thing, when really I should be doing another? Did I waste my time?
There's a lot of thoughts out there that no time you spend developing a skill or talent is wasted, but with the way hiring works these days, I can't imagine that's true. I'd love to devote time to learning to play guitar (finally), but when I sit down to do it, I always find myself thinking, Shouldn't I be working on something more useful?
So, where do I find the balance, between doing what I want and what I love, and what I have to do in order to b successful?
And most importantly, how do I even figure out what I want to do? If I spend all this time making myself marketable and hire-able, how do I figure out what I love enough to pursue as a career? Was college really the last chance I would ever have to do that?
This is heavy stuff for a second post. It's all stuff I think every recently graduated twenty-something is going through, but it just gets so dense sometimes. I'm not really sure how to close this, so I'll just say I think it's all going to be okay, but for now, it sucks a little.
Unrelated note: It's 85 fuckin' degrees out, kids. You don't need a hot Pumpkin Spice Latte yet.
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